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Tearful, unforgiving end Sunday, June 5, 2005 By LOWELL COHN THE PRESS DEMOCRAT SACRAMENTO -- Mindi Wiley of Sonoma High School stared at the crossbar. She was telling herself she could jump over it. She reminded herself it was a barrier she could negotiate, had negotiated countless times. She had missed her first two attempts at 5 feet, 9 inches, and if she missed this time she would be eliminated and come in fourth and that was a depressing thought. She had the highest jump in the state this year, 5-11. But for some reason 5-9 seemed difficult Saturday. A wind was blowing into her face and it was hot and dry, and she was telling herself over and over, "This is your last attempt. It's all or nothing." She went through her usual preparation. She visualized going over the bar, saw herself taking off and doing the flop and landing on her back in the pit with the bar still up there. She clapped her hands, bent over slowly and touched her toes. Then she stood up. She had to get this right. And then she ran forward. She is a tall, graceful girl and her legs are powerful. She loped toward the bar and then she lifted and gathered herself and for an instant it looked as if she would succeed. But as she stretched out in the air the bar quivered and then it fell. High jump is such an unforgiving event. No opponent tries to stop you or trip you or fool you. The bar sits there defiantly. And every day is different. Sometimes the bar is easy. Sometimes it mocks you. And sometimes it represents an absolute limit. On Saturday it was an absolute limit. Wiley wandered back toward the warm-up area and sat down. Huge tears were spilling down her face. She had assumed all along she would jump 6 feet, and she had assumed she'd win. And now this. Her day was over, but the competition wasn't. So she had to sit there while three competitors continued. It is an awful feeling to be left behind, especially if you are a fine competitor and doing well matters to you. She waited and waited. She sat under a gaily colored umbrella, and you could see her wiping her eyes. And then the event was over and she had to walk to the victory stand, where she stood on the lowest step. The whole process took a long time, but when she walked back to the warm-up area and grabbed her gear and left the track, she was still crying. Her day was over and she hadn't won. It is hard when you don't meet your own expectations even though fourth in all of California is something to be proud of, especially if you gave it everything. She is a polite, well-mannered girl. She spoke to a couple of writers and said she hadn't held up her part of the bargain, not that anyone would blame her for anything she did. She said losing was "like a stab in the heart." Despite her grief, she spoke for a long time, patiently answering questions, not edging away or implying the writers wanted too much from her, even though it would have been reasonable for her to walk away. It is hard for her to find competition in Sonoma County, and she must turn it on in elite meets. It's like entering a foreign country. Sometimes that's difficult. She is a fine volleyball player and will attend Cal on a volleyball scholarship in 2006. It would have been easy for her to say high jump doesn't matter, that it's a part-time hobby. But she didn't make that excuse, avoided that cop-out. Her tears spoke for her, young tears when the whole world ends with a bad jump. One of the writers asked if she prefers volleyball to high jump. "When I do bad in track, yeah," she said. For the first time, she smiled. Contact Staff Columnist Lowell Cohn at 521-5486 or lcohn@pressdemocrat.com.
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